We wore Dennis out shopping today, but he was thrilled with the purchases we made. I found (and Granny bought) a pair of Thomas the Train tennis shoes. They are the exact pair he tried on a couple of weeks back and loved but kept throwing out of the shopping cart (so I didn't buy them at the time), and today they were marked down to $5.00. I'm as thrilled about them as he is, and I really loved watching him kicking his feet and staring at them while in his carseat, saying "train shoes!". When we got back to the cabin for his nap, he proved that they are also good dancing shoes.
We were on a big search for a raincoat for Dennis, and they must be just coming into season because they are all very costly. After several places, I had just about given up, and Granny joined me inside the Baby Gap store and found one that I had overlooked, marked down significantly and perfect for our needs--she bought it for him as well, and he was very proud of it. He paraded around in it in the van while we tried it on him to make sure the size was right after we bought it (it was).
He took a long nap this afternoon back at the cabin and we attempted to shop again tonight. We found that all the stores in Gatlinburg had closed before 7 p.m. We did find an open fudge shop, and since that was on our list, we promptly patronized the business. It's a real experience eating fudge and drinking wine while the Food Police looks on with a raised eyebrow, but I'll have to give her (Granny) credit for being a very good sport and enduring our teasing with a smile. When she cleared her throat loudly as I was cutting another little bit of fudge off the slice, I tore off a piece of the paper it was wrapped in and threw it at her. I felt much better. And then I ate the fudge, lavishly and savoringly. Very satisfying. She hid my wine glass when I left the room, replacing it on the table with an empty one that had one drop of wine in the bottom. But I found it (conveniently hidden behind the fudge box) and indulged a little. We all had fun.
Dennis was as cute as ever today, happily playing on the floor in the Disney store with all the toys he pulled off the shelf (which I happily let him do). He walked many places and gave us a big scare when he left the Osh Kosh outlet while wearing the rain coat that we tried on him. Granny and I thought he was with Mom and he instead was walking out the front door of the store. The cashier told me he was outside and I ran to see another lady stopping him and helping him back inside. It was a true I'm A Terrible Parent moment, and what I really wanted to do after he was safely back in the van (belted in to his seat) was to have a big cry. But I didn't. We went on the the Old Navy outlet, this time with Dennis snapped in to a stroller, and I got over it for the time being. I keep thinking that it wouldn't have happened if David were here, that he keeps a better eye on Dennis than I do, that I shouldn't have trusted that he was with Mom, that I should have stayed right with him... And now I'm doubting my abilities and worrying that I just can't trust myself to take him anywhere. I don't know why I wasn't with him at the time. I never know why my attention strays off him, but it sometimes does (probably because parenthood has sapped my attention span along with my intelligence). I've turned around in the kitchen in time to see him pulling a butcher knife out of the drawer. He has fallen down stairs while walking right beside me and I just couldn't reach him in time. It's my job to keep him safe, and OH WOW it's a hard job sometimes. It scares me to pieces. I'm not a failure, because he's sleeping soundly in the next room, safe and unhurt. But I've had little brushes with failure, and they are terrifying. This parenting thing isn't easy. How in the world do people have more than one child?
No comments:
Post a Comment