how to get your toddler dressed and ready for the day

1. Gather everything you will need beforehand, diaper, wipes, clothes, socks, and shoes. Prepare to be a mobile dressing unit.

2. Apprehend your toddler. Be stealthy. Place him on his back quickly (or position of your choice) for pajama removal.

3. After you remove the pajama pants, gather your diapering supplies from under your leg, where you stashed them when you sat down to change him.

4. Chase down and re-capture your toddler and bring him back to the designated changing spot after he got up and ran from you while your head was turned.

5. Change the diaper. Clean the diaper area. Resist kicking feet and firmly hold him in place while cleansing. He will be wiggly.

6. Apply new diaper. Quickly grab him when he gets up to run. Tell him he needs to get dressed. Try to reason with him when he asks to wear the "fire truck shirt" for the fifth day in a row.

7. Put on the second favorite shirt (the one with the helicopters on it) and pants and offer some sort of bribery (a cookie maybe?) to convince him that he'll be happy in the helicopter shirt.

8. Gather his socks and shoes and follow him to the far end of the house with them. Wrestle him down (disguise this as a hug) and put on the socks. Put back the shoes he refuses to wear and grab the Thomas the Train tennis shoes from his closet.

9. Find him and show him the Thomas shoes and be patient while he shoves the wrong feet into them. Once they are on correctly, grab Froggy and the diaper bag and run out the door to strap him in the carseat. Kiss him on the cheek and thank him for cooperating (lie if you must). Now, keeping an eye on the car at all times (and this won't work in the summer months unless you've pre-cooled the car and won't work at all in many neighborhoods), go back in and get the cell phone you forgot and your purse and keys. Get the car in motion as soon as possible to prevent him asking for random toys that are still in his bedroom.

If you're lucky, you might get out the door and down the road without having to turn around and come back too many times (it helps if you've remembered to brush your own hair and teeth before you attempt to get your toddler ready).